Posts Tagged With: Humor

What It’s Like To Be Pregnant & Pakistani (It’s CRAZY)


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Hello folks…

So I have been meaning to do this blog from a very long time but got caught up with other stuff.

Be prepared as I now take you on a journey on what it’s like to be pregnant and Pakistani. Honestly speaking, I think the dilemma lies with all the Asian groups and not just Pakistani….If you can relate to this, we will find out soon 🙂

1. The “Is there a good news” questions.

You get married today, and 5 days later you will start hearing questions from different aunties if there is a good news. Like what the serious ef is that all about?

My first encounter with this situation was just 20 days after marriage, when I went to my neighbor’s house, and her sister in law(who I hardly knew because I had just moved in at my husband’s house) asked me “is there something?” and as naive as I was, I just couldn’t understand what the hell she was asking me. What something is she asking for. I made her repeat 3 times thinking I was missing out any words or something.

After 3 attempts of asking me the same “is there something”, my mother in law replied not yet, everyone will know when there is. Even though I was 2 weeks pregnant by then.

And at that moment, it was a revelation to me. The clouds of singleness had moved away and above me was a sky saying BRACE YOURSELF…PREGNANCY QUESTIONS ARE COMING.

After that incident, these questions kept coming from various aunties wherever I went.

Apparently, Pakistani aunties think you are an ATM machine.

2. Everyone should know…Like literally EVERYONE.

For the first 3 months, the news stays within the 2 families. But the moment those 3 months’ risky time passes away, the news is available for public. Literally public.

First the news goes to close friends and relatives then the friends and relatives will tell their friends and relatives. And the news keeps moving forward. Now this may seem pretty normal because friends and relatives are supposed to know the big news but this doesn’t end with friends and relatives.

You could be walking on a sidewalk with any of your relative and they will tell a stranger to may be walk a little away because this walking lady is now “DELICATE.” This is the term they use. YUPPPPP you heard me right.

You are in a taxi and the driver will be told to drive a little more carefully because Continue reading

Categories: Bits Of My Life, Hearty Giggles | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

False Advertising – Do Not Be Fooled


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1. Johnson Baby Shampoo – No More Tears

So I was sad a few days back and I was crying a lot. Like tons of tears and that’s when I remembered this very famous brand. And I was like, oh why didn’t I think of that before.

I took one bottle and straight off went to the shower. I was still crying at that time. I took some shampoo and poured it on my head. I massaged the shampoo on my hair and waited 5 minutes for it to start working. But you know what. I was still crying. What the hell did they mean by NO MORE TEARS. Well hello, I am still crying.

I thought, may be my pain is too much so I emptied the entire bottle on my head, I waited 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes but my tears didn’t stop.

CLEARLY this is false advertising. Anyway, I did end up with very soft, smooth and beautiful hair afterwards but that’s not the point.

2. AT & T – Reach Out & Touch Someone

I was going to work the other day and I read this slogan on a billboard and I am like, oh that’s a nice slogan and I must do it. I reached out and I touched someone. I got a very harsh stare from that someone.

I thought I must be doing it wrong you know. This time, with more spirit, more optimism and with more love, I reached out and touched someone again.

Well, let me tell you AT & T, I did this a couple of times on my way to work and apparently reaching out and touching someone does not give you good responses. I do not know why you would give us such strange advises. Continue reading

Categories: Hearty Giggles | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sarcastic Quotes & Phrases Coz Sarcasm Rocks :)


I see what you are doing here. You are self praising. That’s okay. I know yourself is the only one who can possibly praise you. Just for your sake, I hope you don’t lie to yourself.

There are 2 facts about you which I should let you know.
1. You are a self praiser.
2. You lie to yourself.

Why did the chicken cross the road? “The chicken saw you coming and said, Oh boy here comes an a**hole life sucking donkey…I better cross the road before he catches me.” I should have crossed the road too.

The ones with pretty face may not have a pretty heart and the ones with pretty heart may not have a pretty face. But there are exceptions. Like you have none and I have both. Continue reading

Categories: Hearty Giggles | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

Letter From Earphone To Humans


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Dear Humans.

My name is Eerefone. Sometimes I am called earpiece, hands free or even headphone. First of all, let me tell you that I am not headphone at all. Headphone is actually my big brother. He is strong, big, masculine and has a built. I don’t understand how someone could confuse my smart, slim and pretty body for a masculine one? Stop calling me by my brother’s name people. That’s just insulting to my figure. That’s racist.

Having cleared that, I would appreciate if you would CLEAR your ears before effing putting me in. It’s a mountain of ear poop in here. It’s not a treasure to keep okay. Have you not heard of my friend, Eerebud? God bless her poor soul but she does excellent work and she is the reason I can make it everyday.

Do you have any idea how I feel when you just shove me inside your disgusting ears? Oh the torture. And to make things worse you just keep me in there for hours and hours.

EVEN WHEN YOUR MUSIC STOPS.

How long does it take for you to realize that the song you were listening to has stopped an hour back?

I still forgive such people but the ones that make me angry the most are the people who plug me in and forget to put on a song. SERIOUSLY? And then I am like just hanging in your ears doing NOTHING but making you  look like you are listening to something.

YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME. Continue reading

Categories: Hearty Giggles | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Journey Through A Pakistani Girl’s Wedding – “The Attention Tention”


 

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Hello Everyone…

In my previous blog “Journey Through A Pakistani Girl’s Wedding – The Rasam, I took you along with me to a Pakistani girl’s rasam i.e a pre-engagement event. So what next?

Before I tell you what happens next, Let’s introduce the stereotype of Pakistanis being married within the family.

Now you must have been meeting this guy and their family since your childhood as they are your relatives. You must have been practically been raised by his parents and don’t even start me on the fact that as kids, you both played hide and seek and HE ALWAYS PULLED YOUR PONYTAIL FROM BEHIND LIKE IT WAS HIS GODDAMN PURPOSE OF EXISTENCE ON THIS EARTH. 

You hated him for doing it.

You both stayed up late nights playing board games while your parents chit chatted in other room, you both had millions of fights and you little miss not-so-innocent always sneaked up for his candy……

AND THENNNNNNNNNNN

You become his fiancée. His parents become your in-laws. And now, everything changes. All the matrixes of your life changes. Continue reading

Categories: Pakistani Wedding Journey | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments