False Advertising – Do Not Be Fooled


1. Johnson Baby Shampoo – No More Tears

So I was sad a few days back and I was crying a lot. Like tons of tears and that’s when I remembered this very famous brand. And I was like, oh why didn’t I think of that before.

I took one bottle and straight off went to the shower. I was still crying at that time. I took some shampoo and poured it on my head. I massaged the shampoo on my hair and waited 5 minutes for it to start working. But you know what. I was still crying. What the hell did they mean by NO MORE TEARS. Well hello, I am still crying.

I thought, may be my pain is too much so I emptied the entire bottle on my head, I waited 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes but my tears didn’t stop.

CLEARLY this is false advertising. Anyway, I did end up with very soft, smooth and beautiful hair afterwards but that’s not the point.

2. AT & T – Reach Out & Touch Someone

I was going to work the other day and I read this slogan on a billboard and I am like, oh that’s a nice slogan and I must do it. I reached out and I touched someone. I got a very harsh stare from that someone.

I thought I must be doing it wrong you know. This time, with more spirit, more optimism and with more love, I reached out and touched someone again.

Well, let me tell you AT & T, I did this a couple of times on my way to work and apparently reaching out and touching someone does not give you good responses. I do not know why you would give us such strange advises.

Thanks to you, I am now in a mental rehab center and my psychiatrist says I should be doing good as long as I do not reach out and touch someone ever again. Not strangers at least.

3. ConAgra Foods – Everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it.

I had this very big presentation for foreign delegates and by boss said I had to nail it no matter what. The company wasn’t doing good and this presentation was our last hope. I did have my presentation ready. Well, frankly speaking writing “WE DESPERATELY NEED THIS WORK OR ELSE I WILL BE JOBLESS” on 10 screenshot with different images wasn’t such a good idea after all.

BUT BUT BUT. I did have one brilliant idea. I remembered ConAgra Foods and I remembered they say, “Everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it.

So I took blue bonnets and placed them on my presentation. I was so confident that I told my entire office we were gonna get this work.

Long story short, I am now looking for a new job and apparently putting blue bonnet on my CV isn’t making it better either.

4. Domino’s – Get the door. It’s Domino’s.

It was 4 am and I was sleeping dreaming about Flynn Rider. There was strange noise at my door. It was like someone was trying to open the door using a drill or something. Anyway so the first thought that came to my head was DUH, get the door. It’s Domino’s. The only thing I wasn’t clear about was why would they come at 4 am.

But who can say no to pizza, right?

I went down as fast as I could and opened the gate wide open to welcome my box of Pizza.

Let me tell you folks, When I regained my consciousness, my entire house was clean. Like literally clean. All the money, gadgets, gold, GONE.

So people, if you hear a knock at your door do not be fooled by false advertising. Please DO NOT GET THE DOOR. IT’S NOT DOMINO’S.

5. Amica – We make our customers’ problems our problems

My bathroom had a terrible plumbing problem and Amica says “We make our customers’ problems our problems.” So I called Amica customer service and I told them my problem.

Again people. False advertising really. I called them 15 times and still my problem wasn’t their problem. I had to go on about my own, call a plumber and my bathroom fixed.

So much for customer’s problem being their problem.


Seriously, I am tired of all these false advertising. If you can’t promise something, don’t effing make it your slogan, you money sucking brands.

6. Kay Jewelers – Every kiss begins with Kay.

I thought when you had to kiss someone, you just had to kiss them. Little did I know that every kiss begins with Kay. But who is this KAY. He must have got so many kisses. May be he is like a lucky charm or may be a kiss fairy or something.

I searched for this Kay guy and he was very very very hard to find. I guess that’s the point. So people wouldn’t kiss that often. Anyway, after much search, I found Kay. He was the guy who fixed my plumbing when Amica refused to make my problem theirs.

I was so happy to have finally found Kay. Now my kisses would be perfect. Each time I had to go out with my boyfriend, I would kiss Kay and then go out.

Things were going great until one day, my boyfriend came home early to pick me up and I was kissing Kay, as I always do. I don’t know why he got so angry. I tried explaining him that every kiss begins with Kay. I even told him that he should kiss Kay, too. He didn’t agree to that. Neither did Kay.

All my boyfriends think I am crazy although Kay seems much satisfied with this slogan. He says it’s true and my boyfriends are being a jerk. He says it’s not false advertising.

But 21 boyfriends later, I am starting to think this has to be false advertising. Why else would all my relationships fall off because of this very reason. Kay Jewelers, with all due respect, you are false advertising. All kisses do not begin with Kay, OKAY?

7. Johnson’s – No More Tangles.

False Advertising

I tried this. It didn’t work. Clearly false advertising.

Share, like, subscribe, tweet, pin, scream, kill, stalk…(whatever that the young generation does these days), if you are against false advertisements.


Categories: Hearty Giggles | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “False Advertising – Do Not Be Fooled

  1. Vincent

    Hello Aisha, I have been a fan and admirer of your works.
    But this time, for the first time i am so surprised. Surprised to see how stupid you are that you can also write such an idiotic article! Wow!
    Agreed that the punch lines of brands do not always get justified when the product does not perform as it is meant to be according to its punch line.
    But you have completey gone to some other level of being an idiot and presented them in a way which is not meant to be.
    When Johnson Baby Shampoo says ‘no more tears’, it means that using it won’t be harsh to the eyes of the infant and wouldn’t bring tears in the eyes, unlike other strong shampoos that causes tears in eyes when the shampoo comes in contact with the eyes.
    It does not mean to convey a message that you have described.
    All your examples are so rubbishly hilarious and shows your stupidity.
    A good piece of crap written.
    You could had conveyed a proper message of not getting fooled by ads in a proper way.
    This article does not look like being writeen by the same person who has wrote fantastic articles in past.
    I won’t be rude. I have always admired your works. So this time also i admire such an idiotic article by you. Great idiotic work. Clap clap clap. Keep up the jerk work. This time having seen what is filled in your brain, i won’t be surprised if i see more of such rubbish works 🙂

    • Ooooh so this is what they mean by no tears. Damn it. No wonder people got creep-ed out every time I gifted them Johnson’s baby shampoo at funerals. I can actually now justify the million stares and a couple of “wtf is wrong with her” looks.

      My entire life is a lie. Huh

      Btw. Have you ever tried baby shampoos? That sh*t burns your eyes like hell.

      Btw 2 : Thank you for appreciating my stupidity. It’s a rare talent, one that is understood by the likely. I feel honored to have received such praise on my masterpiece of jibber jabber rubbish. 🙂

  2. G.I.V

    Oh what an actUally YOU piece Ash….100% craze-wise lil lady. No one can jibber jabber that much creativity nor a non writer’s can understand keep it scrap on my fav srappy yard Ash, n btw who’s trying to find scholarly articles on scrappy yard…scrappy yard is no false advertisement its true u wil find scraps here 🙂 Ash agreed naan…..

    • Ohhh Olivia. Don’t take it to the heart. He was just trying to be sarcastically sweet and I get that side 🙂 Thank you for loving it.

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