The other day (well not the other day to be precise but I like the sound of it), my friend and I (yes you would be shocked that I even have a friend) were talking (not arguing coz you would think I am that sort of person who just argues).
Aaaahhhh let me repeat without the brackets before my whole blog gets ruined.
The other day, my friend and I were talking and for some reasons our conversation led up to us discussing how Google would answer questions if it were a human and with all the stupid questions people ask, as a human, Google would get pissed off.
My friend then suggested that I do a blog on it so here I am and this is my blog about how Google actually feels as a human and what better way to describe its feelings than through our very own Gordon Ramsay.
So here is “What if Gordon Ramsay Answered Your google Searches” and you definitely know where this blog is going haha.
Search # 1 : Right eye twitching meaning.
Answer : I don’t get it. What is your question? Your right eye is twitching. It is as simple as that. You are not getting any bad luck or any good luck or a heart attack that you have to fucking worry about but I can assure you that your mental level is going down looking at the way that you preferred to reach your computer and make a search before washing it off with some fucking cold water.
Search # 2 : Simple macaroni recipe.
Answer : Huh. You don’t even know how to make a simple macaroni. My 7-year-old kid can make a ratatouille and you don’t know simple macaroni. Makes me wonder where this world is going. You take the fucking macaroni. Put it in the fucking boiling water. Strain the fucking macaroni. Mix it with a fucking white sauce or Italian sauce.
Search # 3 : Prodigy meaning
Answer : Seriously? Do I look like a fucking dictionary to you? What the hell is wrong with all of you. Google search is not a place to find the fucking meaning of a fucking word. There are websites for that fucking shit. But if you really want to know, I am a PRODIGY and you my friend are nowhere near that word.
Search # 4 : Pain in left side chest and arm.
Answer : Oh boy. You are in deep shit because right now you are having a fucking heart attack. Dude call 911 and while they are coming to get your stupid ass off the computer, let me take this moment to tell you that last few searches from your computer were “Abortion techniques”, “will anyone know about abortion”, “cheated on husband feeling guilty”, “Should I tell my husband I cheated.”
Helloo are you fucking still there? I guess this wasn’t the right time to tell that.
Search # 5 : whether forecast for camping.
Answer : You have got to be kidding me. It’s WEATHER for God’s sake you need to pull your shit together. Your 10-year-old son does better searches than you & your 15-year-old daughter has such a high niche vocab shining in her profile and your wife, she is a genius with all the report writing. And you don’t fucking know where to use whether and weather.
Oh how I know. That’s what you are worried about. I know everything. I know every fucking thing because I am google. I know what you do on youtube. The types of things you watch. Remember, I make your recommendations. SO DON’T FUCKING TRY TO PISS ME OFF because if I get pissed off, I know your secrets and I know where to find your wife. I even have all your web history no matter how many web histories you delete or caches you clear.
Remember that next time and spell check a million times before you hit the fucking enter.
There you go people.
If you want to ask anything to our Google Gordon Ramsay, write your questions in the comments and I will make a blog and answer them.