My name is Eerefone. Sometimes I am called earpiece, hands free or even headphone. First of all, let me tell you that I am not headphone at all. Headphone is actually my big brother. He is strong, big, masculine and has a built. I don’t understand how someone could confuse my smart, slim and pretty body for a masculine one? Stop calling me by my brother’s name people. That’s just insulting to my figure. That’s racist.
Having cleared that, I would appreciate if you would CLEAR your ears before effing putting me in. It’s a mountain of ear poop in here. It’s not a treasure to keep okay. Have you not heard of my friend, Eerebud? God bless her poor soul but she does excellent work and she is the reason I can make it everyday.
Do you have any idea how I feel when you just shove me inside your disgusting ears? Oh the torture. And to make things worse you just keep me in there for hours and hours.
EVEN WHEN YOUR MUSIC STOPS.
How long does it take for you to realize that the song you were listening to has stopped an hour back?
I still forgive such people but the ones that make me angry the most are the people who plug me in and forget to put on a song. SERIOUSLY? And then I am like just hanging in your ears doing NOTHING but making you look like you are listening to something.
YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME.
And FOR GOD’S SAK E, don’t just leave me anywhere after you have used me because you will need me again and I will be everywhere except where you were supposed to keep me.
Tell me humans, why am I plugged in your laptop while my body is on the floor? Do you not know that Mr. Chair-wheels lives on the floor. Do you know how scared I am of him? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, keep me away from Mr. Chair-wheels. I don’t like him. He is dangerous and he hurts me whenever you are not looking. Please keep me on the table.
Why humans, why am I suffocated in your blanket every night? Why in the world would you take me to the BATHROOM? HAVE I NOT SEEN ENOUGH POOP?
You heartless people. You never take me on dates. You never take me to movies. You never take me for dinners. YOU ONLY USE ME FOR SELFISH REASONS…
You don’t even see the knots on my body until you realize that the wire has shortened and it’s because of the knots. Or when you are going out with me in public.
That’s how pathetic you humans really are.
You better start behaving with me because if I ever get angry, I can do things to your ears that you would not like. Things that can pain you. Things that can cause you problems. Things that you will regret.
You better watch out because I am right there, watching you.