My Mother, My Mother Has Some Crazy Obsessions

My Mother, My Mother
Has some crazy obsessions.
Come close for I whisper
About her secret possessions.

Obsession No 1. : NOTHING IS GARBAGE.

For start, nothing ever is GARBAGE. I mean, literally nothing ever is garbage. Everything can be used, recycled, altered, upgraded into something that can be used.

A shopping bag is NEVER a garbage. It can be used for storing things, as travel bags, picnic bags, delivery bags etc.

A gift wrapper is never a garbage. It can be used to wrap gifts for others. ( yeah I know you have experienced this.)

An empty cream jar or a jam bottle IS NOT A GARBAGE. It can be used for keeping jewelry or homemade jam or leftover pasta sauce.

Obsession No 2. : CLOTHES ARE IMMORTAL.

No matter how many million times you have worn that shirt, you can still wear them a million times more.

What? Did you say it’s torn from a place. Duh, You can stitch the patch and use it.  When the stitch can no longer hold the patch together, it can be worn as a night-dress (because who the ef is going to see you). When that night-dress is too vulnerable to be worn again, it can be cut into small pieces to wipe tables and floors.

And God forbid, these cloth pieces will be passed from one generation to another for cleaning tables and floors. You will see them in every family photo from great grand parents to great grand kids.

Obsession No 3. : IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THE MOBILE.

I know, I know you are thinking “what does that mean,” but wait for it, wait for it.

Bad grades in exam : It’s all because of the mobile.
Didn’t do the dishes : It’s all because of the mobile.
Forgot to keep the milk in fridge : It’s all because of the mobile.

Basically, every wrong thing that happens is because you have been spending all your time on the mobile doing GOD KNOWS WHAT and you can’t concentrate on anything else except for your mobile.

So,

Global recession and unemployment : It’s all because of the mobile.
Taxes going up : It’s all because of the mobile.

 Obsession No 4. : YOU CAN'T USE EXPENSIVE GIFTS

An expensive gift is NEVER to be used. If someone has gifted you an expensive set of knives, crockery, rice dish or spoon, YOU CAN NEVER USE IT. Why? Because it’s SO EXPENSIVE. You wouldn’t want to spoil it by using it.

Better lock it up in a safe. Keep it for later use. The “later” that will never come.

Obsession No 5. : YOU HAVE JUST GOT A HAIRCUT LAST WEEK.

It can be months and literally it can be 6 months over. My hair will be all crazy going down my forehead and flowing below the waist. But as soon as I declare I need a haircut, here is what I get, ” honey, you got your haircut JUST LAST WEEK”

:S :S :S :S

What the…………..

Obsession No 6. : THE SALT IS ALWAYS THE RIGHT AMOUNT IN FOOD.

There may be absolutely NO SALT in the food and that cute little salt shaker will be staring right in your eyes as you stare back at him but deep inside you are thinking, “Should I or Should I Not?”

Then after several minutes of thinking whether you should pick that salt shaker or not in front of your Maa, you decide to do it too fast and too quickly, hoping it would slip away from your mother’s eyes.

BUT IT NEVER DOES.

***The next blog is going to be “The Hardships For A Little Sprinkle Of Salt,” which will give you an entire detailed picture of what happens on my dining table…. HAIL TO CREATIVITY….***

Obsession No 7. : YOU ALREADY HAVE THAT

Go to the market, pick that “CATALOG DESIGN DRESS” which if you do not already know, means that it is just one of a kind dress and poof comes the magical words from my mother “You already have it…”

No mom I don’t have it I clearly remember.

No sweety, you bought it last month. It was almost similar to this one.

For those of you who have not learnt the art of decoding your mom’s message, this code is a very soft and polite version of, ” I AIN’T SPENDING MY HARD EARNED DOLLAR ON YOUR EFFING LITTLE SHITE.”