I know you are reading this blog with an Aishaaaa-oh-no-you-didn’t sort of an expression on your face but guess what people, yes I did, YES I DID (somebody please tell him who the F I is….:P 😛 :P)
I mean c’mon people why not? You know you do it often, if not everyday ( depends :P) and you know everyone does it, then why be embarrassed, try to hide it or pretend like you don’t do it.
Coz, the truth is, WE ALL DO.
I know I will be losing a lot of my subscribers today, but it’s time someone steps up to write on things we all ought to know 🙂
Besides, it’s not that bad. They even have nursery rhymes on it like :
fart fart fart your a** gently down the stream,
merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.
yunkie doodle came to town
riding on a pony
struck a fart out his a**
and called it melody
pip pip pip pip pip pip pip la la la la la
As gross as you think this blog is going to be, please be assured that this blog is REALLY GOING TO BE GROSS. So before I proceed, let me tell you this is a PG blog. Also faint heart people, please do not read this.
I repeat, faint heart people DO NOT PROCEED.
So you think you have a strong heart and want to continue. **Claps** I admire your strength. Not many will have such courage and I promise, after you finish reading this blog, you will walk out with a much more informed brain than you came in with.
Types of Farts, The Sound They Make :
1. The Sneaky Getaway :
This one is like an expert spy agent. It just comes, does it’s thing and goes away without anyone noticing it. It is short and sometimes makes you wonder awe that was cute because it kinda goes like a quick *pip*.
If you get this one, it doesn’t bother you because you hardly ever realize it or anyone else does.
2. The Sudden Horror
This is the anti spy agent. It does not want your everyday life to go about happily. It pretends to be one of the sneaky getaway but soon as you let it out, it takes a dangerous form and destroys everything around you.
As *pip* as it may be, it comes with a bang loud enough for everyone to hear it, a *PIP* you may say. And if that is not enough, it leaves an embarrassing look on your face that speaks out loud “YES I AM THE ONE WHO JUST FARTED.”
3. The Never Ending Trail Of Train :
As the name suggests, this one is long, really long, really really long. Kind of like a *peeeeeeeeeeeep* *peeeeeeeeeeeeep*. It makes noise and it leaves behind it’s trail of smell and it comes exactly when you are in middle of a very silent room.
I will let your imagination picture the horrors of it.
4. The Joy Of Thunder & Lightening :
This is my most favorite fart. I am sure this is your favorite too.
This one is loud, thunderous, noisy, boombastic and gives off gigantic waves of smell. It lets off with pressure just like a ball fired from a cannon.
But wait a minute? How could this most dangerous and most disgusting fart be my favorite?
Because ladies and gentlemen, this fart comes out in loud noisy and already smelly public places such as a crowded street or a zoo. MUAHAHA. Boy oh boy, you know when you have so much pressure inside of you and you are in such a place, you let it all go.
I shall now let your imagination picture the perfect beauties of it 🙂
5. The New Year Firework :
This is a life changing fart. If you ever get this one, be sure that your life is officially (well socially technically speaking) over because you will be hearing about it for the rest of your Halloween Christmas birthday, anniversary, family dinners and any occasion that has people in it.
If you are wondering what sound it makes. Read the name again. Fireworks dude. It’s a *boooooooom boooooom dhushhhhh dhaaaaa dhussshhhh dhuuushhhhh*
These farts make a once in a lifetime appearance unless all you eat is brocolli, cauliflower, eggs, cabbage & raddish.
6. The Rustic Smelly Car Engine :
*Phat phat phataaa phat phataaaa phatttt*
Nothing more to say on this one 🙂