Step 1 : Selecting A Movie…
This may take hours and sometimes it may even take a few days to find a good movie. (Good movie? Yes I mean no kissing, no flirting, no dance scene, no strip clubs, no honeymoon..)
You might lose your morale in the first step itself, but remember if you had the courage to have a thought of watching an english movie with your Asian family, then you are hell of a very courageous person. Keep the spirit high. I am sure you will find a good movie.
I recommend The Hangover (2009) , The Change Up (2011), 21 Jump Street (2012), Bliss (1997), Titanic (1997) and Boxing Helena (1993). These are some really nice movies you can watch with your Asian family.
( I recommend you also use Common Sense at my recommendation).
Step 2 : Explain the movie to your parents.
Now that you have successfully chosen a “Good Movie”, you now have to convince your parents of the goodness of this movie.
This means that you basically have to tell them the entire story of the movie.You will be asked a lot many questions in this step but do not get scared. Be brave and do not fear the flooding questions. Answer as many questions as you can with the last breath of your life.
Step 3 : Play the movie.
Announce you are about to play the movie. Call your mother from the kitchen. Call her again. Call her once again. Go to the kitchen and drag her out. Convince her that the snacks she made would be enough for the 1.5 hour movie. ( Frankly for an entire month’s snacks but somehow watching a movie means you have to keep eating until the movie ends).
Play the movie.
Rewind the movie again because your Dad forgot his glasses.
Play the movie.
Pause the movie.
Wait for your mom to adjust her pillows, blankets, cushion etc.
Play the movie.
Step 4 : Keep the remote in your hand.
You are here on a mission and you simply cannot keep your weapon away from your hand. You need to hold your weapon in your hand because you can be attacked any time. Don’t sit relaxed. You have to stay alert all the time.
Note : To avoid fatal death, watch the movie before hand so you know when the enemies are going to attack you. This way you will only end up with injuries.
Step 5 : Keep your thumb on the LIFE SAVING BUTTON…. It’s called “Forward” on your remote.
As soon as that awkward scene (which can be a mere kiss, yet is an awkward scene), comes on the screen, press the forward button like your life depends on it, because honestly, your life does…
Step 6 : Handle the stares.
You will be stared plenty of times at every forward button you have clicked. You will be stared when the girl comes out of the water in a bikini. You will be stared when the wolf shreds a piece off the girl’s clothes. You will be stared when the bad guy says “fuck you.” You will be stared when there is a passionate kiss.
The best way to protect yourself is to pretend not noticing them.
Step 7 : Face the consequences.
Remember the stares you just ignored in our previous step, well after the movie comes to an end, all the stares will be combined into one big stare because of the NUDITY (a mere kiss) contained in the movie.
Also you will be asked a lot many questions related to the movie so be prepared to face the consequences for at least next 5 years of your life ( or rest of the life).
Step 8 : Swear never to watch ANY movie with your parents EVER AGAIN.
You know what? Because I do really care about you, I advice that you skip all the first 7 steps and follow just the 8th :). If you are an Asian, you will know why.
🙂 🙂 🙂